Here in this life on this earth, we have a veil. There are so many spiritual and eternal things that we can't see or understand. It's so easy to forget.
I forgot. I looked away from my eternal goal. Because I wasn't focused on God, my path no longer pointed toward Him. I strayed, and found myself stuck and alone. The things that had taken me away from God had turned on me, and I was constantly being tortured by regrets, bad feelings, and lies. Darkness had crept up. And all I could think was that I had failed. That I wasn't good enough. That I wasn't living up to what was expected of me. And there was no point in trying to get back.
I started doing things I had promised myself I would never do. I gave in to things I never thought I would be tempted to give in to. I almost turned into someone completely different. I've always been a happy person, but rarely was there a smile on my face. And if there was, it faded all too quickly. People noticed that something was wrong, and stopped enjoying my company. If someone asked if I was okay, I would just shrug it off and leave. I wanted to stop feeling like I did, but I wasn't willing to accept help or do what it took to get out of this hole I had stepped into.
It got really bad. I couldn't bring myself to go anywhere. I cried all the time and was angry and irritated constantly. I insulted my family and verbally hurt my mom, who is my greatest hero. There was one day when I couldn't eat, couldn't stop crying. I skipped voice lessons and left my house. I walked to a nearby park, and walk around and back and forth, sobbing, for three hours. I wasn't planning on going home anytime soon. Then suddenly it all went away. I stopped hurting. I wasn't happy, but I wasn't hopeless either. I walked home right away.
The next day, I went to to the temple. I hadn't been in so long, and the familiarity and love of the place was a great relief and comfort. Near the end of my time there, a great clarity was brought to my mind. I suddenly knew. It was as if someone had been speaking in a different language, but had changed to the language I understood. "You're not looking in the right place. You're focused on the wrong things." Then I remembered. I remembered the times when I had felt the love of Heavenly Father so strongly I couldn't contain it. I remembered when I had been healed by His power. I remembered how strong my relationship with Jesus Christ was. I couldn't imagine how I had been persuaded to stray from those things. The things that mattered and affected me most.
I'm not going to tell you that everything was rainbows and sunshine from there, because it wasn't. It didn't get better right away. And you know what? Sometimes it gets really hard to believe that it will ever get better. But I'm starting to come back to life.
There was one time, a couple of years ago, when I was very sick. There was nothing any doctor could do. No explanation or solution. But one day I prayed harder than ever I had before, and suddenly my pain was gone. But not all trials end that way. We won't always be instantly healed. But God will always heal us when we are willing to let Him. He is always there, even when we can't see Him. Jesus Christ loves us more than we can possibly imagine. We are capable of feeling so much love, and yet we can't even fathom the amount of love that Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father have for us. And it is always there.
Don't forget. Don't ever forget. Because God is there, and always will be. He will guide us in every step of our journey. His hand is always available for us to hold on to. Don't you ever forget.
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